IELTS Writing Sample
Genetically Modified Crops
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Biotechnology companies all over the world are developing different types of genetically modified (GM) crops. However, not enough is known about these crops on our health and the environment. Interfering with nature in this way should be prohibited. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
How many words? How long?One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)
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Recently, it has become an extremely controversial issue around the world that genetically modified crops have many drawbacks whose serious consequences on human health and the environment are not thoroughly understood in spite of its improvement to the increased volume of food. In this paper, I am going to analyse the advantages and disadvantages of genetically modified food.
First and foremost, it is, perhaps, the case that genetically modified food is a good way to produce huge amount of food in a short time period and with less money.Equally important, people can cultivate this type of food in areas where it is difficult to grow because of low soil quality and lack of source of water for irrigation. It is certainly true that genetic modification is a good way to produce many types of seeds that have higher resistance to many well-known food diseases.
In spite of these benefits, there are a significantly high number of disadvantages related to genetically modified food. Perhaps one of the most obvious points is that it is causing more diseases to human being. Moreover, the organic food has more nutritive value than genetically modified food like vitamins and minerals.It seems to be clear that the genetically modified food may contribute to the pollution and produce many types of unknown seeds.
In conclusion, it is not doubtful that genetically modified food has both advantages and disadvantages. Some people emphasize the benefits of GM foods, while others are focused more on the negative side. To put it a different way, provided that the government address the magnitude of this massive issue and its underlying the causes, they can make a significant difference.
This writing is found under the following category(ies):
Agree or Disagree
This critique is meant for the writing from merkhan. This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected. Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction to understand this critique!
You were not able to achieve the task because you didn't say where you stand whether you agree or disagree with the statement "Interfering with nature in this way should be prohibited" in the requirement.
Vocabulary is quite good but you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.
+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are quite organised even though you used some contradicting ideas in improper places.
+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Compare to the original writing.
+ You are adding too many stop words. Just use simple but effective sentences.
+ You are contradicting yourself: "... extremely controversial issue ... that genetically modified food has many benefit and drawback"
> How come a controversial issue is about having both benefits and drawbacks?
+ You tried to use linking phrases such as "therefore" but it was not properly used since it doesn't make sense. "it has become an extremely controversial issue ... Therefore, for the purposes of this essay, I shall confine"
+ Incorrect "in short period"
+ incomplete phrase: "and less money". In that context, you should use "and with less money"
+ "because bad soil quality" -> "because of bad soil quality"
+ Wrong in the meaning "genetically modified food is a good way to produce many types of seeds"
+ "disadvantages" is countable -> Wrong "a great deal of disadvantages"
+ 2 errors in this phrase "it is cause many disease among the people"
> which one is the main verb? "is" or "cause"?
> "many diseases"
+ "What is more" is for spoken english. It's not suitable for academic writing.
+ The third paragraph was about the cons of GM food. Why did you put this sentence there "the organic food has more nutritive value"?
+ You don't have any supporting examples for this statement "genetically modified food may contribute pollution and produce many types of unknown seeds".
+ "however" was not used properly here "In conclusion, however, it is not doubtful that"
With a growing world population one the most pressing issues is feeding such a number of people. Some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution to this problem. To what extent Do you agree or disagree?
feeding a growing number of people
The more population in our world, the larger quantity of food will be need to feed such a tremendous number of people. Since swelling population in countries is inevitable, one of the imperative concerns is how people can forage for food, despite this explosive growth. In this regard, GM foods production is a recommended solution with which it is believed that people can guarantee their food necessities. However, I would question the plausibility of this method by looking at how these foods could be health hazardous as well as they can negatively alter the origin of world's ecosystems.
For one, the outcomes of such alternations in foods' origins could pose detrimental impacts to humans' over-all wellbeing. Take vitamin deficiencies cases in many countries as an example. Based on some studies in my country, Iran, it is represented that GM foods contain less amount of vitamins and minerals, compared those of normally-grown produce. As Persian individuals tend to have determined portion of food essentials suggested by nutritionists, they ingest less amount of nutrients than expected with consuming these sorts of foods. Thus, it is apparent that, GM foods do not carry healthy properties which normally-produced ones do.
Additionally, genetic changes in foods for the sake of more massive production could cause flaws in the chain of ecosystems. For instance, genetically modified tomatoes in my country have fewer leaves, so that it leads to more dryness on soil after irrigation in hot days. Following this, there are a lot of objections from farmers that these crops associated with more water usage. Based on the above reasoning, mentioned problem could result in groundwater aquifers depletion. Thus, the negative ramifications of GM produce are clear.
To put in a nutshell, however, by GM foods there could be some temporary solutions for feeding growing population, the devastating influences on people's health could diminish its virtues. It is recommended that food supplies management could address this problem more effectively.
Ali, why are you questioning the plausibility of using GM food in your essay when you are being asked to discuss the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the presented point of view? Your discussion does not follow the logic being required of you by the original prompt. It deviated from the original discussion because you decided to discuss a topic that is nowhere near the given prompt requirement. Therefore, this essay is not going to get a passing grade, on any level in an actual test. Your line of reasoning would have been acceptable if you had properly addressed the paraphrasing and opinion statement at the end of your first paragraph. Due to the difference in what you presented there, when compared with the original requirements, you would have immediately failed the TA portion of the test. Once you fail the TA section, it becomes very difficult to pull up your score with the remaining criteria in order to get a passing score.